When I was training for the ministry ,one of the subjects I had the pleasure of researching and writing about was friendship from a Christian perspective.
I really enjoyed it – I discovered some old writers (Alred of Rievaulx) who’d tackled the subject 800 years ago, right up to recent authors such as Liz Carmichael whom I had the pleasure to meet and hear lecture on her then recent book, Friendship (2004).
There is a clear theology of friendship which is based on examples such as Abraham being called God’s friend (2 Chronicles 20 v 7, Isaiah 41 v 8 & James 2 v 23); Moses of whom we read that ‘the Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as to a man speaks with his friend’ (Exodus 33 v 11); and in the New Testament, Jesus in John 15 says that we are no longer called servants, but that he has called us friends.
I was able to do a little bit of research and developed a simple technique that I named a ‘friendship window’ through which one could discern the shape and extent of friendships at any point in time, which ones were important and why. Two things became clear – nothing earth-shatteringly new or original, but something we need to be reminded of now and again.
To have friends, you have to be a friend – that is to open yourself up and reveal part of you to another so that they might receive and reciprocate in some measure.
Secondly, that good listening was a key attribute in successful friendships – there is a mutuality in conversations and that listening well, intentionally and authentically was the mark of having and being a good friend.
This Sunday we’ll be reflecting on passages in the Old and New Testaments that start with the simple instruction ‘Hear’ or more accurately translated ‘Listen’. It is an ancient prayer, prayed morning and night by faithful Jews, called the Shema. It goes like this, ’Hear, O Israel: The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might.’ Deuteronomy 6 v 4.
It’s an instruction from God asking that we listen and obey – we’ll be exploring the obedience side a little more on Sunday. Of course, when Jesus says this phrase in Mark’s Gospel he links this first commandment to a second. We read, ‘Jesus answered, ‘The first is, “Hear, O Israel: the Lord our God, the Lord is one; you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.” The second is this, “You shall love your neighbour as yourself.” There is no other commandment greater than these.’ Mark 12 v 29-31.
You’ll recognise these words from our liturgy – most Sundays we say them, mirroring the practice of Jewish worship at the start of our communion services. Of course, Jesus’ addition of this second command to love our neighbours as ourselves is difficult, challenging and at times avoided. We only have to read the newspapers to discover stories of neighbours who fall out badly and even end up suing one another.
But if we understand Jesus’ words fully – maybe he’s really saying that our love of our neighbours is a reflection of our love of God. We can’t separate the two. It’s tough, for sure, and something that we need to honestly work at – it may take a lifetime to master.
Revd Paul